Feel Your Feelings

Good morning and happy Tuesday. I hope you had a restful night so you can start this week off right, if today is your first day back at work due to yesterday’s American holiday (MLK day).

Thank you for all of the comments on yesterday’s posts. It was really engaging for me to read all of them. That is one of the main reasons I write in the space – to communicate with you all. When I have the opportunity to hear many different opinions, perspectives, and even experiences… that’s how I know I want to keep writing here.

Today I wanted to touch an a piece I read yesterday on DoYouYoga.com. You might remember a few weeks ago I shared this site with you as one of my favorite yoga resources. The piece I read yesterday was called “5 Ways To Start A Self Care Routine.” The reason this post stuck with me actually has something to do with how I was feeling last week, when I encouraged anyone who was feeling heavy about something to actively try to work to feel lighter. I think it’s really interesting how, when I need to read something, it just seems to appear and mimic exactly what I am thinking or going through. Maybe I am simply more aware to those sensitivities and therefore see what I want to see in those moments, but the piece from DoYouYoga was just what I needed.

The last suggestion of the post was to “Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings.” How many times have you felt something but pushed it aside because you didn’t want to face the anger, pain or sadness you were feeling? When we don’t acknowledge how we feel, emotions do nothing except build up in our hearts and throw us off-balance.

Screen Shot 2014-01-21 at 6.29.24 AM(source)

I am the type of person who usually wants to look strong. I don’t often like to express my feelings explicitly out loud, so I am more likely to harbor an imbalance because I want things to just work out instead of facing them. That is what happened to me last week. I hadn’t been letting myself feel.

Finally I faced what was bothering me, and to be honest – I cried. Messy, salty tears. I let myself get it all out. I cried to my mom. I cried to Cassie. And afterward, I felt so much better. Negative feelings are a form of pent up stress that our bodies do not need to hold on to.

Allow Yourself to Feel

It took me the rest of last week and even into the weekend to mull over what had changed and how I would move forward. Because I allowed myself to feel, I am so much happier this week, and I think things will only get better in terms of that situation.

Our bodies are very intuitive, as are our minds. Let them feel when they want to. You won’t regret it.

Question of the Day:
How do you deal with difficult emotions?



  1. In the past I built them up and then they would blow up in my face but I’ve been trying to talk about what’s bothering me either that or hit the gym to get the frustration out because life’s never fair we must realize this now!

    1. Going to the gym is a great way to let out frustration. There have been many a time when I’ve had the urge to run when I am angry. I have this problem where I hold things in until someone does something and I snap. I’ve gotten better, but it’s still a work in progress.

  2. feeling your feelings is something I was told over and over again in treatment. basically because a huge part of my disorder back then was ignoring all emotions and feelings for fear of what it would do to my actions. I tended to just numb out making it really hard to actually engage. I think I still tend to hold my feelings in and really need to work on expressing them

    1. You’ve said it before on your blog, but you use that space to deal with what you are feeling well, I think. Sure, probably what you post is only half of the real deal, but writing, for me at least (hence this post) is therapeutic. It really makes me consider my thoughts and what actions to take. I’m so glad you have a better handle on how to deal with emotions now, even if it is a learning process.

  3. To be honest, I’m not so good with feeling my feelings. I do okay for smaller stuff, but sometimes it’s so big that the only way to just keep living is to ignore them. That’s bad and they don’t go away, but sometimes it feels like the only way to survive. I’m working on dealing with things as they come so that they don’t feel BIG and unmanageable, but it’s hard. I’m glad you were able to get it all out, and I hope you’re alright!

    1. I know what you mean, how sometimes you can’t dwell on things because you just need to get through the day. But in the end you have to face those feelings sometime. I am working on all of that, too. I am good though. Thanks for the well wishes. We still have a lot of time to grow and learn how to handle the hard stuff. 🙂

  4. This post really spoke to me today. You see one of our dearest family friend who is only 48 years old is expected to pass away w/in the day or so. I’ve been a mess, yet kept trying to hold it together. It wasn’t until last night when I dropped and broke one of our bowls on the ground that I lost it. In a way, it was what I needed to release the pain I was feeling. I cried, and cried, and after Joshua held me and I cried some more, my tears faded and my frown turned into a smile. Instead of being so heartbroken, I begin thinking of the memories that were shared. Made things better ❤

    1. I am so sorry to hear that. I know how difficult it is to watch someone young and who should have so much life left in them not get the chance to use that life. I hope that you find some peace in those thoughts soon. And I am glad that, even though breaking a bowl wasn’t ideal, it was a way for you to finally release those emotions. My mom always tells me to think of the good times when I am going through something tough, so you are doing the right thing. Take care, dear.

  5. Feeling feelings is so important and something that I am (thankfully) so much better at than I used to be. Like you, I used to try to be strong and would hold feelings in for fear of expressing them and then being judged. Now, I put everything out on the table–this is who I am, this is how I’m feeling, take it or leave it. Also–crying is the best. Isn’t that weird? I mean yeah, crying can be terrible, but it can also be the best thing for you. I’m so glad you are feeling better ❤

    1. Crying can be really wonderful and I usually feel refreshed when I am over with it. I admire that you can be so open. It’s going to take me time still to work on opening up always, but I am getting better with it. And you made me realize that a lot of that does come from fear of judgement. Thanks for sharing and the well wishes 🙂 I’ll tell ya more about it sometime.

  6. Welcome to my Sunday. I do my best to remain stoic most of the time but sometimes you just need a good cry. I tried to keep it together to get through the catering gig but once it was done and I had nothing to throw myself into I knew the tears would come. I feel way better now that I’ve let them out!

    1. We should have had a cry fest together. It could have been great and we could have ended the night with wine and brownies or something. I’m glad you were able to keep your feelings under control during the gig for professional reasons, but I’m also glad that you let it all out afterward. It’s very important to do so.

  7. I’m really bad at feeling my feelings when they come on. It usually takes a day of feeling the stress they are causing me to acknowledge them and then let it out. Usually I call my mom to let it out to save Aaron from my nonsense (most times ha). But I am like you and it’s usually big tears and just built up frustration. I find if I don’t follow through with those feelings, then they get pushed back, but just come right back whenever something happens again.

    1. I bet Aaron likes to help you through emotions more than you think 🙂 Feelings are kind of like a never ending circle if you don’t break it when they first start. No matter how much you push them aside, they come right back around.

  8. There’s seriously nothing better than a good cry. I mean, it sucks to get to the point where you feel like you need to bust out the waterworks, but the relief that comes afterwards is just bliss. I used to be notorious for burying my feelings and beating myself up if I felt anything less than 100% happy, but I’ve gotten a lot better with accepting my feelings and riding out the wave of my emotions… even if that means a cry that leaves me shaky, snotty, and blotchy-faced <– best cries.

    1. My cry was definitely of that nature. When I was calling my mom I actually had to put down the phone to blow my nose. Twice. Cute, right? I like to seem strong, or just ignore the hard things, but now that I know that while the end result may not always be what we want, I can get through the emotions and handle the situation. We don’t have to be happy all the time. I’m glad you found that truth!

  9. to be honest, my inability to ‘feel my feelings’ was definitely one of the causes of my eating disorder back in the day – if we don’t allow ourselves to truly acknowledge what’s going on and release whatever emotion we’ve bottled up inside, it can come out in a bad, bad way. So thank you for bringing attention to this – it’s so, so important!

    1. Bottling up emotions usually results in them spilling out in a manner than is more harmful than good. I have set a precedent this year with myself to deal with my emotions as they come to me. I can’t describe how relieved I was last week when I did, even though it sucked. I’m glad you liked the post. And thanks for sharing your experience.

    1. I like how the microwave is figuratively your emotions. That worked really well for the analogy, if you meant to do that or not. The small things will set me off, too. Usually it’s like dishes in the sink that aren’t washed or something that make me really freak (in my own head) and then cry.

  10. I always hold it in too and I am not as secretive about it as I like to think I am. But we all need to let it out sometimes whether it be screaming, crying, running, yoga-ing, talking, or writing. I’m really glad you have people you can go to and that you’re feeling better! It’s hard sometimes to make ourselves vulnerable but I know I always feel way better when I let other people In and acknowledge what I’m upset about. Another amazing post lady!

    1. My face always gives away my emotions. As well as my go-to phrase, “I’m fine!” All of those things you described are great ways to let out frustrations. I am not good at real-life vulnerability esp. when it comes to matters of the heart. I definitely always feel best after I let it all out. Sometimes I need it pried out of me, but when I finally talk, it’s good.

  11. A great way to get out all of my feelings is by talking to my mom. She is the last person I will ever talk to about any problems I am having though because I want her to assume I am always happy, because generally I am! She is a very realistic woman, so I trust her 100%! Aw, I love my mommy!

    1. My mom is good at reassuring me that everything will be okay. The other day she told me, “the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!” and I was like thanks but it’s not Christmas. Either way, she made me smile. Moms have a way of making us do that 🙂

  12. Great post, lady. My natural reaction is to brush off negative emotions- It was just automatic with me until my body and mind couldn’t handle it anymore and that’s when I began taking it out on food. Restricting and binging- viscous cycle. As soon as I faced the tough emotions things got better.

    1. Thank you Heather, I appreciate that. Pushing aside the negatives is also my natural reaction. I try to fool myself into thinking they will go away, but they don’t. And yes, when we finally decide to let those emotions out, we have to let them into the air, if that makes sense. Putting our emotions into food or exercise doesn’t help ultimately, as you’ve said.

  13. I used to hold everything in and now I just let it out with a good cry. I think when your upset, angry, hurt, frustrated it often helps to talk to someone about what’s bothering you. My poor mom has had quite a few crying phone calls but she always helps me to fee better. I hope your feeling better now too!

    1. Crying is pretty therapeutic. My mom has received a lot of crying phone calls as well. You and I must have that in common – we can worry our moms like nobody’s business.I am feeling better now, thank you for the well-wishes.

  14. Honestly, I’ve had to work on losing the ‘hard’ exterior all the time because I was started to be constantly angry 24/7 but putting on a ‘unicorn and daisies’ front. I think when your dealing with tough situations or emotions, talking to someone, emailing someone really really helps- I’ve actually emailed a couple of ‘blends’ regularly, and it soo is refreshing. Feel free to shoot an email if you ever feel like venting or discussing new TV shows to fill your spare time with 😉

    Hope things are on the up 🙂

    1. My roommates know that my response for when something is wrong is: “I’m fine!” and then if I say that they should ask me again and again what is wrong until I cave and tell them. I’ve gotten better about expressing annoyances, but when it is something that hurts my heart I am not so easy-going. Talking to someone definitely helps. Who knows? Maybe you will get an email from this Kardashian-loving chick sometime soon (you will). Thanks for the invite of sorts. I’m really awkward in emails so be prepared.

    1. It’s really hard for me to face my feelings when my heart is in the matter. I am a master of the silent treatment and the type that will only talk after a lot of prodding or when something makes me burst. Not good things, but like you said I am working on my own stuff too. It’s all a learning process!

  15. I need to work on letting myself just feel my feelings. I too try to hold up that strong image and push all of the negativity on the back burner. A girl just needs to cry sometimes! In fact, last night I just cried because of how overwhelmed I am with everything. I sat there just thinking of all that had to be done and how I forced it all upon myself. I’m not at a state where I am happy with everything that is going on, but I don;t have the chance to change it (school primarily). I don’t know how I am going to get through all of this, but I shouldn’t be putting all of this on the back burner and just explode like I did last night.

  16. Sometimes a good cry is exactly what you need to let an emotion go and so I will do just that. Sometimes I go for a run or meditate, write down what the emotion is or talk it out with my boyfriend or best friend. I think definitely feeling your feelings and knowing it is ok to feel angry / sad just as ok as it is to feel happy / joyful but I think sometimes we are taught that we shouldn’t feel those things so we try and suppress them.

    Glad you got what you were feeling out. I hope you are ok.

  17. Ugh I so needed this post this week. I have just started to get busy again and when that happens I tend to push my feelings to the back of my mind, but in reality what I need is a crappy romance movie, some chocolate, and maybe a good cry. I’m glad you were able to get out all that negativity and stress!

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