Yesterday, I was on the bike at the gym (but what else is new lately). Some of our bikes are located on the topmost floor, surrounding the indoor track. I was riding along, going nowhere and feeling somewhat unsatisfied with my workout, even though I was trying to push myself.
I watched the track as I spun, my head following runners make their laps around the track. Jealousy was starting to kick in, but I stayed on the bike.
Eventually, a great, fast-paced song came on my playlist (If you’re wondering – Fitz and the Tantrums’ “Out Of My League.” You’re welcome.), and I suddenly had the urge to jump off the bike and just run. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to pump my arms to the beat and to feel the exhilaration I know running can bring me.
But I didn’t.
I was scared.
I haven’t run for a month now. I really have no idea how my knee is doing, but I’ve felt no day-to-day pain since the race last month. Part of me wanted to see how my knee would fare doing light, slow intervals, but I chickened out. I don’t know if I did the right thing by not giving it a shot.
All I know is fear stopped me. What do you do when something you love becomes something that scares you? It’s not a new concept, really, but I don’t think there’s an easy answer. Do you face the fear head on if it could hurt you, either mentally or physically? Or is it worth the risk?
In my case, running could hurt both mentally and physically. If I run and it doesn’t end as I want it to (pain free), then my confidence will plummet and my knee will hurt again.
I don’t really have an answer for you today because I am really conflicted about what to do. I just needed to get that off of my chest.
Speaking of running, Sunday I will be participating in The Color Run. It’s coming to Athens, so I couldn’t pass up the chance. I can’t say whether I will actually run or walk, but I have a feeling I won’t be testing the knee until that day.
Here’s what my week in workouts will look like:
Sunday: 20 min bike + 30 min treadmill incline walk
Monday: Arm weights
Tuesday: 20 min bike + legs
Wednesday: Arm weights
Thursday: Some kind of cardio mix
Friday: 20 min bike + full body
Saturday: Rest (Dad’s Weekend!)
Maybe running longer than three miles isn’t in the cards for me right now. That’s not so marvelous But I am going to make the best of it, because I have legs that work, and that in itself is marvelous.
Thanks to Katie for the link-up! Make sure you check out her Halloween posts to see cutie little Rocco dressed as a monkey. He and I shared the same first Halloween costume.
Finally, I just want to say congratulations to all the racers at the NYC Marathon yesterday. I admire your strength and athleticism more than you know!
Question of the Day:
Have you ever experienced something you love becoming a fear?