When Something We Love Scares Us [MIMM #14]

Yesterday, I was on the bike at the gym (but what else is new lately). Some of our bikes are located on the topmost floor, surrounding the indoor track. I was riding along, going nowhere and feeling somewhat unsatisfied with my workout, even though I was trying to push myself.

I watched the track as I spun, my head following runners make their laps around the track. Jealousy was starting to kick in, but I stayed on the bike.

Eventually, a great, fast-paced song came on my playlist (If you’re wondering – Fitz and the Tantrums’ “Out Of My League.” You’re welcome.), and I suddenly had the urge to jump off the bike and just run. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to pump my arms to the beat and to feel the exhilaration I know running can bring me.

But I didn’t.

I was scared.

scare

I haven’t run for a month now. I really have no idea how my knee is doing, but I’ve felt no day-to-day pain since the race last month. Part of me wanted to see how my knee would fare doing light, slow intervals, but I chickened out. I don’t know if I did the right thing by not giving it a shot.

All I know is fear stopped me. What do you do when something you love becomes something that scares you? It’s not a new concept, really, but I don’t think there’s an easy answer. Do you face the fear head on if it could hurt you, either mentally or physically? Or is it worth the risk?

In my case, running could hurt both mentally and physically. If I run and it doesn’t end as I want it to (pain free), then my confidence will plummet and my knee will hurt again.

I don’t really have an answer for you today because I am really conflicted about what to do. I just needed to get that off of my chest.

Speaking of running, Sunday I will be participating in The Color Run. It’s coming to Athens, so I couldn’t pass up the chance. I can’t say whether I will actually run or walk, but I have a feeling I won’t be testing the knee until that day.

colorrun

Here’s what my week in workouts will look like:

Sunday: 20 min bike + 30 min treadmill incline walk
Monday: Arm weights
Tuesday: 20 min bike + legs
Wednesday: Arm weights
Thursday: Some kind of cardio mix
Friday: 20 min bike + full body
Saturday: Rest (Dad’s Weekend!)

Maybe running longer than three miles isn’t in the cards for me right now. That’s not so marvelous But I am going to make the best of it, because I have legs that work, and that in itself is marvelous.

Thanks to Katie for the link-up! Make sure you check out her Halloween posts to see cutie little Rocco dressed as a monkey. He and I shared the same first Halloween costume.

Finally, I just want to say congratulations to all the racers at the NYC Marathon yesterday. I admire your strength and athleticism more than you know!

Question of the Day:
Have you ever experienced something you love becoming a fear?

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16 comments

  1. Wow I can definitely relate to this post. It’s how I was beginning to start feeling about running too. It’s weird to feel the butterflies in your stomach every time you start out running because you aren’t sure if your body will hold up, if you’ll do more damage, if you’ll be able to make it…It sucks, actually. BUT even being able to run three miles is amazing, and I hope you enjoy the Color Run.

    1. I get the scared butterflies too. I get them sometimes when I listen to songs I usually run too as well, but those are good butterflies, like I miss it butterflies. I don’t know if I will even be able to actually run the color run, but I am at least going to be present!

  2. Oh man can I relate to this. Yes, it is terrifying coming back post-injury. I remember crying this summer after I took the month off for my calf pains because I wasn’t sure if it would hurt again. The physical therapists literally had to tell me it was my homework assignment for the week to try it. I made a deal with myself- the minute I felt pain, id stop. It allowed me to go in with no expectations but I still remember the fear when I put my sneakers on and headed out to pound the pavement back in August. The first steps were terrifying because you just don’t know how it will feel. I will say this: if your knee hasn’t given you any trouble at all recently, then it’s worth trying even if you do a run/walk for a mile. You know your body best and you will know when the moment comes to run. Feel free to ask me any questions! I know you can do it- I’ve been there and while it’s scary at first after so much time off, you will be so happy you waited until you were pain free!

  3. I’m sorry your feeling scared to run again. Honestly, I have been feeling somewhat the same way. I am finally back to running slow, short distances but still nervous to try anything more than a mile or two. It’s strange but like you I’m afraid the pain will return and that I will be kept away from running for a longer time.

  4. That’s the attitude lady! I feel you on the being scared thing. At this point walking and yoga is working for me, but I am curious how more higher intensity exercise might feel. But I also don’t want to find out my body isn’t ready for it/hurt myself again. So I’m sticking to what works and I can only hope that with time I will just know when it’s right to tackle my fear. Also I totally walked or “pranced” rather the color run and I still had a blast so don’t feel like you have to run it!

  5. SO. The best part about easing back into running is you can just ease into it. Don’t be scared. The first time back out won’t be great. It won’t feel like it normally does. But you’ll be so excited to run it won’t matter.

    I’ve had to take period off before. It’s so mental – tell yourself that it doesn’t matter how far you run, how fast you go – and if it starts to REALLY hurt, stop. Think about yoga – sometimes we mistake uncomfortableness for hurt, but it isn’t. A lot of time when I’m running I feel a sting in my knee or ankle or something… and as long as it isn’t bad, I keep going and it usually stops and it’s something minor. Just tack on a 5-10 minute jog onto your work out tomorrow. Don’t be scared – if it doesn’t go great, you have Wednesday to try again. xo

  6. I remember being injured last year and when the physio said to try running in front of him to give me a verdict on if I could or not being super nervous because I knew I really wanted to and was so scared he would say I couldn’t.

    Hopefully your knee is better I think being cautious and taking it easy is definitely the right way to go. I am jealous of your Colour Run I so want to do one. I was meant to do one here in a few weeks but they sold out before I entered (oops!)

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